To fill ya in on my life right before I had kids until now…

It started off when I was 20-years-old. I had been dating someone for almost 2 years and thought that he was going to be the person that I would be with forever. He ended up breaking it off because his best friend was moving to another town to go to college there and he was going to follow him to do the same. Basically he didn’t want to be tied down. I think his friend convinced him that he needs to be single so he could party freely. No matter the reason, I was crushed. I sunk into a deep depression and didn’t eat for 2 weeks. I was sick. I couldn’t keep my pants up because I was so skinny. For months I continued to barely eat and partied as often as I could to keep my mind occupied. Anything to ease the pain. It wasn’t until the following spring that I met someone new through a friend I had met while partying. Our connection was instant. I didn’t think I could ever want to be with someone again. I was naive and jumping into things way too quickly. I ended up blowing my family off and moving in with him. We were on and off for 2 years give or take. He was very abusive. Emotionally and sometimes physically. I tried moving on from him but always ended up coming back. Until the final time. I was almost 23-years-old. I had gotten us an apartment and was the one working while providing for us. I had come home from work one night and went in to use the bathroom. I glanced in the trash can and there was a pad wrapper inside. I was not on my period, nor did I even use pads. He had another woman over while I was gone. That was the final straw. I told him to leave and he wouldn’t, so the police made him leave. That was the end of that. I was heartbroken and alone again. I was friends with a guy at work and he started coming over to keep me company. I needed a rebound. We started seeing each other. My intentions were not to stay with this guy for long. He was nice and I needed to keep occupied. I ended up getting in too deep. He moved in with me at my apartment then when my lease was up, we rented a house together. That’s when I got pregnant. I had just turned 24. It seemed like the right thing to do to get married. He ‘proposed’ when we had only been together for a year. His proposal was, ” hey do you wanna get married?” I wanted us to be a family for the baby’s sake, so I said yes. His mom gave him a few hundred dollars to get me a ring, which he got me a cheap ring, then used the rest on weed. We were married 2 months later. I almost called off the wedding because we were arguing all the time, but I didn’t want my parents to have spent all this money on the wedding and our families to have traveled for nothing. I felt nothing as I spoke the vows on our wedding day. I look back and regret not calling the wedding off, but I wanted things so desperately to get better and for us to be a family. I was pregnant working two jobs while paying all the bills, and my husband was too busy goofing off with friends and blowing money to take care of us. Our lease was up the month before our baby was due so we decided to move in with my parents to save up money to buy our first house. Adrian Michael was born July 5th, 2013 at 10:43 p.m. measuring at 8 pounds, 19 1/2 inches. I was in love. I had officially become a mom, and it was the greatest feeling. I didn’t sleep a wink while I was in the hospital because I was so scared something was going to happen to him. Whenever they took him from my room, I bawled until he came back. My so called husband slept in the corner the entire time. Then when we came home, all he did was sleep. I wanted to suffocate him with a pillow! Adrian had acid reflux, so he was very fussy. I was very tired. I ended up having to go back to work before 6 weeks because my husband was worthless. He eventually moved out for the first time I wanna say right after Christmas. He barely came to see Adrian. I didn’t get a cent of child support. I ended up working 3 jobs to take care of him. I have tried to keep him on a somewhat exclusive organic diet, and that gets expensive. If I can help prevent my child from getting cancer, I’m gonna try. It was around Father’s Day that my husband decided he wanted to try and work things out. He stayed over on Father’s Day, and I think that’s when I conceived our second child. Adrian’s first birthday rolled around and of course his father didn’t get him anything. He came to his party and we were still trying to work on things in July. I started a new full time job at the care facility in town and quit my other jobs. I was 12 weeks along when I finally took a pregnancy test and got to the doctor. I was so tempted to tell my husband it was someone else’s and file for a divorce. I ended up doing the right thing and telling him. He moved back in and ended up getting two jobs. He somewhat helped financially and I tried to help him be responsible. It only lasts so long with him. The fights started up again. He was still blowing money on weed and other things. He was lying about where he was going. I was very pregnant when New Years Eve approached and that’s when he left for the final time. He played the victim card as usual and blamed us for him leaving. I had had enough. I was tired of him doing this to my child. He has never been a father to Adrian. March rolled around and I went into labor. March 11th at 8 pm was when the contractions started. We got to the hospital at 11pm and they admitted me. I did not want my husband there. All he does is raise my blood pressure, so we did not call him. I tried to have my second child without pain meds, but my body was too tense from the pain to progress. I ended up getting the epidural and sleeping for an hour or so. Then it was time to push. I gave birth to another baby boy at 1:57 p.m. on March 12th, 2015. William (Liam) Isaac was 8 pounds, 1 ounce and 19 inches long. Once word got out, my mom and the hospital staff were harrassed with phone calls by my husband and his mother. I filed for a protection order. After 2 weeks we worked out a visitation agreement, which he missed a couple and was late/left early with the rest. Eventually the visits basically stopped and we found out he moved in with another girl. When I got back to work after 6 weeks, a resident there started getting interested in me and vice versa. He was there because he had tried committing suicide. Other than that, I found him completely normal. If he was seriously mental, I think I would have seen something about it in his diagnosis. We got along well and seemed to have a lot in common. We really started liking each other when I decided to find a different job. I contacted one of my old bosses at a restaurant and got hired back on as a server. After my last day working at the facility, we started dating. It was hard for a long time. I had to buy him minutes so we could talk. The owners at the facility found out and tried making my life hell for it. Calling my boyfriend a sociopath and me an unfit parent. Eventually they let off and my boyfriend moved out into his own apartment. My parents wouldn’t approve of me going to see him because of all the lies the owners had told them, so I ended up moving out into my own apartment as well. My mother was very upset that I was taking her 2 little grandbabies who she had seen every day of their life out of the home. She cried everytime we left. My youngest did fine, but my oldest did not like the change. (We’ve had suspicion that he might be autistic.) I dropped the boys off with Grandma while I worked, then picked them back up after I got off. My boyfriend would stay with me and Adrian would cry because he wanted Mommy to himself. Eventually money became too tight and I had to get another job. My boys ended up spending the majority of the time with Grandma because I worked so much to the point where I would be taking them and picking them up in the middle of the night. After a short time, they were living back with Grandma and I was working my life away just to stay the night with my boyfriend. It felt like the real deal with him and I wanted to make sure before I commit to bringing him into my children’s lives, and they were safe and happy with Grandma. Christmas time rolls around and I find out I’m pregnant again. My youngest isn’t even 1-year-old yet, I’m still married, I’m not currently living with the two kids I have, and I’m pregnant. Great. I tell my boyfriend and it takes a long time for it to sink in. He was not ready for a kid. He was still trying to get used to me having two already. I continue working 2 jobs through my entire pregnancy. My boyfriend had 2 different jobs for a short time, but was let go from both. He received a social security check every month, but it wasn’t a large amount. So basically I’m working multiple jobs to take care of us, because my boyfriend can’t find a job. We fought a lot because of this. I barely got any child support from my husband and a big chunk of my money was going towards organic groceries for my boys. I didn’t see my boyfriend much except for at night because when I wasn’t working during the day, I went to visit my boys at my mom’s house. The cost of gas took some of my funds as well. Life was rough. I struggled with depression pretty much this whole pregnancy. When tax season rolled around, I gave a chunk to my mom for her basically raising my kids and spent the rest on a retainer for a lawyer to get a divorce. The court date rolled around and I got full custody. My ex husband has seen the boys a few times since, and I’ve received one child support payment. I hear he has broken up with and moved out on the girl he was living with. Now he is supposedly in a band. I wish he would just stay away if he’s gonna play our children like this. He’s doing more harm than good. After my divorce was finalized, my boyfriend proposed. I said yes, but I’m not rushing to get married. The early morning of August 23rd, I called my mom to tell her we’re coming to get her. My contractions were bad. We got to the hospital and I was admitted. I got the epidural right away and at 1:41 p.m. another baby boy was born. 3 boys! Kingsley Thomas was a whopping 9 pounds, 11 ounces, and 22 inches long. Surprisingly I was in the least amount of pain after this birth. My fiancé is still looking for a job and I was offered a manager position when I come back from maternity leave at one of my jobs, so I’m gonna cut down to that one. I’m hoping to ease my other boys into movng in with us and we can be a big happy family. Grandma will still babysit all 3 while I’m at work. I’m hoping to breastfeed a whole year with Kingsley. I breastfed and supplimented formula for 6 months with Adrian and exclusively breastfed for 3 months with Liam.

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